Tuesday, June 1, 2010

up to bat...

As a child, I was fostered in the heartland, the midwest of the country. I came from a family of athletes....my father, my aunts and uncle and my cousins. I remember admiring all of the medals and trophies that my cousins were able to earn and display. I often felt like I did not fit into this family tradition, I was the only one who did not excel in this pursuit.....

I was on a softball team in grade school. In my head, I wanted to be great at it....in reality, that was not the case. Not that I was awful, just not great....and in my heart of hearts, I didn't enjoy it. Everytime I was up to bat or in the outfield, I was terrified. As I got older and tried to find my sports niche...volleyball, basketball, etc. I would hear other people talk about a calm that they felt when they were "up to bat". A quiet that would descend upon their brain and allow the world to melt away, creating an exquisite focus. I never experienced this when "up to bat", on the contrary, I would be overwhelmed with worries and pressure. Eventually, I was able to accept that I was not an athlete and be happy with my other strengths, but I always wondered about that exquisite focus.....

Earlier this year, I was on call....by myself for the first time. My phone rang and a Mama was in labor. I rushed to the birth center. I must admit that my nerves got away from me....I was literally pacing and going over the cardinal movements of birth in my head. I set up the room that the Mama wanted and double checked, ok...triple checked all of the equipment. After that, more pacing and running through drills in my head. Then, the Mama and her husband arrived at the birth center......and suddenly the world melted away, my brain was calm and I felt the exquisite focus. It was a magical moment for me and I knew this would be wonderful...I had found my niche. And the Mama and babe were glorious.


  1. Hi! I found your blog through the MT website. I am just beginning in midwifery and look forward to following your journey. Your description of readying for the first birth rang so true with me... I find that I pace wildly at births, haha! Trying to work on that. :) Congrats on all your achievements and don't keep us in suspense too much. :)

  2. Thanks for the input anf time to read my blog. I will try and not keep you in suspense and good luck to you in your journey!

  3. What a great post! I'm glad you found your niche. I hope that one day I will have that moment, too. :)

    I found your blog through the post you made in the BT forum. I'm starting at the beginning of your blog and working my way up to the more recent posts. :) Enjoying it so far!

  4. Thanks, so much. It is, indeed, amazing to find that space of knowing you are where you belong. I wish you luck on your journey and hope you continue to enjoy reading my blog.