Almost on the staircase and more thoughts...

Luckily, I was already at the birth center...waiting for another Mama who ended up never coming in. Got a call from a Dad saying his wife's water just broke and she sounds "serious", since this is baby #2, I say get on in here! The weather was wet and rainy and it was the middle of the night. I meet them in the parking lot, wet all around us...the rain was crazy, and Mama says "the baby is here!" as we walk up the steps, I 'o-so subtly' reach behind her and 'goose' her while feeling for a little baby head...not quite yet, but there is the tell-tale bulge. Barely making it to the birth room, pants off to reveal a lovely crown, Dad says "she wants a water birth" and I say we don't really have time to climb in the pool...and then the babe is born into her Daddy's (with a little back-up from me) waiting hands. So great!

So, when I am blessed to be present at a birth such as this one, I have absolutely no problem giving all the glory to the Mama. I am constantly awed by the tremendous power of women as they work to bring forth these new lives. My ego really has nothing to do with it....they are the wondrous ones. Then, why is it, that when a Mama has a really difficult path and maybe needs to go to the hospital....that I feel such ownership of the process? When the outcome is not ideal, I have a very tough time getting my ego out of the way. Is this normal...will it eventually become easier to remove my ego from all situations? However, is that the proper goal? I guess I come back around tot he original thought....what is the balance point for being present and supportive while maintaining my own self?....

thoughts

This morning I sit at my little desk, looking out the window to my green backyard. While I sit here and sip my coffee, many thoughts run through my mind. How do I invest myself in the birth process without owning the process. This has been struggle for me, there seems to be a balance, one that I have not yet been able to manage. Does one ever totally manage it? I need to be present, invested and supportive...yet, keep some sort of distance...everything is not up to me or my 'fault'. If a Mama needs to transfer to the hospital it doesn't mean that I have failed, or that she has failed...we don't have control over everything.

Morning Babe

Woke to a phone call this morning....a primip (first time Mama) is pushing....whew, jumped out of bed, ran through the shower, threw on some clothes and out the door, all in 15 minutes. That is midwife adrenalin for ya!

Got to the birth center in just enough time. Mama sitting on the birth stool with a bulging bag of waters crowning. Through the bag and the waters, I can see specks of vernix floating in the clear fluid. I can also see lovely dark hairs dancing and swirling, suspended in the waters, dancing in tune with the Mama and her birth rushes. For a moment, I am transfixed by the beauty. Then with a grand grunt from Mama, I am pulled back and place my hand on the babe's head...expecting the bag to break and flood me with a wave...but it doesn't budge. Instead, I apply some mild downward pressure and the babe is birthed, bag and all, into my hands. After working him out of his bag....up to Mama and Papa he went.

When a babe is born in thier amniotic sac, it is called being "born in the caul" and it has been ascribed many meanings by many different cultures. I have read several of these meanings and have found them all to be positive. The common associations are that this child will be a leader of their people, they will have the 'sixth sight', they will never perish by drowning, etc. (I would love to hear of any other known associations.) I think that we have many more of these babies at the birth center because we do not routinely break the bag of waters. Which then leads me to wonder...are we, by fostering gentle, honored birth, fostering a generation of visionary leaders?....

up to bat...

As a child, I was fostered in the heartland, the midwest of the country. I came from a family of athletes....my father, my aunts and uncle and my cousins. I remember admiring all of the medals and trophies that my cousins were able to earn and display. I often felt like I did not fit into this family tradition, I was the only one who did not excel in this pursuit.....

I was on a softball team in grade school. In my head, I wanted to be great at it....in reality, that was not the case. Not that I was awful, just not great....and in my heart of hearts, I didn't enjoy it. Everytime I was up to bat or in the outfield, I was terrified. As I got older and tried to find my sports niche...volleyball, basketball, etc. I would hear other people talk about a calm that they felt when they were "up to bat". A quiet that would descend upon their brain and allow the world to melt away, creating an exquisite focus. I never experienced this when "up to bat", on the contrary, I would be overwhelmed with worries and pressure. Eventually, I was able to accept that I was not an athlete and be happy with my other strengths, but I always wondered about that exquisite focus.....

Earlier this year, I was on call....by myself for the first time. My phone rang and a Mama was in labor. I rushed to the birth center. I must admit that my nerves got away from me....I was literally pacing and going over the cardinal movements of birth in my head. I set up the room that the Mama wanted and double checked, ok...triple checked all of the equipment. After that, more pacing and running through drills in my head. Then, the Mama and her husband arrived at the birth center......and suddenly the world melted away, my brain was calm and I felt the exquisite focus. It was a magical moment for me and I knew this would be wonderful...I had found my niche. And the Mama and babe were glorious.