I am by no means a superiorily experienced midwife, and as many of you know, still consider myself a "young-un". That being said, I do feel that I have built a strong foundation on which to grow my skills. I have been blessed with fantastic teachers and mentors, wonderful families to support and an amazing family of my own. I have recently had some experiences that truly reinforce, for myself, that this is my calling. I believe, that when a person finds their calling, and that when they are serving a higher purpose, there is a well of unconscious knowledge to tap into...
At a recent birth, I was literally at the end of my rope...I had done and tried everything to help this motherbaby. At that moment, of surrender, my hands just started doing. An obscure maneuver, from deep in a text book, that I had never done and only seen once years ago. My hands simply took over and did it....and wonderfully it worked! It was just the trick to help this sweet babe out. I didn't even fully realize what had happened until it was over. I believe that my hands were guided.
At another recent birth, after a beautiful labor and with a healthy, happy baby skin to skin...Mama truly started hemorrhaging...a lot, a dangerous lot. Her placenta had not yet been birthed and before I was able to consciously think, my hands just started to do, to enter her uterus and remove the placenta. This was of course, difficult and very painful for the Mama, however, it saved her life. I had never done this procedure before, only studied it and observed it, but in that moment, my hands knew exactly what to do. Again, I believe my hands were guided.
Of course, there is the acknowledgement that I have trained and studied for these situations, which I have done with dedication. Of course, there is the necessary ability to think quickly and remain calm. However, above all that, there are moments when I honestly believe and have felt something more than myself in the room. I am by no means special in this way and feel that this "well of knowledge" is present for all to dip into. I have seen many others experience this sensation. When have you felt/seen/experienced this? Do you even agree with me that it occurs? I would love to discuss this....
i absolutely agree... as an ICU nurse, i find that there are definitely times where something else kicks in... whether that's being guided by something/someone else that we cannot see or tapping into some different level of consciousness... but there are just some situations where i've felt outside myself in knowing what to do or having an inkling that something was really wrong well before it was...
ReplyDeletei'm glad those mamas had you there to help them... however you did it!
Yes, I think that these situations happen all around us. Many times, they are dismissed as coincidence, gut instinct, or intuition. Whatever you choose to call them, they are real and tangible. I am also curious about your comment on having an "inkling that something was really wrong well before it was". I, too, have had that experience and was lucky enough to know to listen to it. We should feel comfortable in acknowledging these flashes of support and internal wisdom. Thank you for your input!
ReplyDeleteIn your case, it was called luck.
ReplyDeleteI do really hope you won't be relying on something to "guide" you and will pursue an education. Remember, being a midwife is about the people you are supposed to serve, it's not about you.
ReplyDeleteWow, I guess that I should not be surprised by negative responses. Doing what I do is controversial to some and I need to remember that. My first reaction to these comments was to post an anger filled response, I have since cooled off and feel the need to respond responsibly. First, luck had nothing to do with it; training, skill and clinical judgement were crucial to these situations, without those components no amount of intuition can or would help. Second, while I do not need to justify myself to an anonymous internet entity, I do have an excellent education and hold a Certified Nurse Midwife degree. Lastly, it is obvious to me that you have not read my blog in depth, if you had it would be very clear to you that as a midwife, my goal is always to serve and support my families. However, this blog is about my journey and experiences.
ReplyDeleteI could continue to go on and on about my personal, emotional response to these commments, but will not. I will, respectfully wish the authors of these posts blessings and the gift of understanding.
On a side note, please check out my post titled "Frustrated!!!" for a link to a recent Amensty International report on the state of maternity care in the United States, our current system is in dire need of reform and those of us working to facilitate that change will continue to do so.
Dear Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteAubre is extremely well trained and certified, She is not "winging it" as you imply nor is she relying on, "luck". She dedicated years to study and school so she could pursue her calling as a midwife. When she reaches down inside herself for "guidance", it is her experience, training, and many, many hours of practice that guides her hands. She is too modest when she says she is a "young 'un", here. This blog is about more than the birth mother and baby, although that is the primary story, it is also about midwives and midwifery in general from her personal perspective. Read more carefully and take your jaundiced eye off the cynical target. In case the signature doesn't show up when I post this, my name is Gary van Houten.
Anonymous, in your case, I think it was called being a dick.
ReplyDeleteThere are people who make us doubt an amazing experience. In this case anonymous is that person. I have received report at the beginning of shift and felt something was terribly wrong,went to the 2 hour post delivery pt and expressed a grapefruit size clot followed by hemorrhaging which sent the pt to the OR within 15 mins of taking over. The doctor asked what made me feel there was something wrong? It was difficult to quantify but I was glad for the intuition that sent me immediately to the pt to check for bleeding.Thanks Aubrey,keep writing.
ReplyDeleteHawa
Awesome work! I agree that in those critical moments something/someone else guides you. I'm curious, though, what was the maneuver you used on the first woman?
ReplyDeleteI must say Thank You to everyone for the positive support I have received after some negative postings. I guess that I should feel lucky as this was my first real expereince with that type of online negativity.
ReplyDeleteThe maneuver that I did is called the Ritgen (look it up in Varney's). And actually, I did something called a modified Ritgen...I did not insert me fingers into the patients anus(you'll understand after you look it up). I preformed the maneuver externally.
This was such a special blog Aubre. It gives me chills. I totally hear and understand guided hands as I think most healthcare providers do. Thanks for posting!
ReplyDelete@Sarah, thanks for the support and input!
ReplyDelete