Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Midwives are a Strange Breed

Through the years, I have met many midwives. Though we are all unique individuals for sure, we do seem to share some commonalities. We are empathetic, intelligent, kind, sincere, independent, clear headed...and maybe a little "twisted" ;)

I recently had a conversation with one Mama that included suggestions on natural personal lubricants for sex and positions to try, how to entertain a three year old when nursing the one month old, the best organic diaper creams and the importance of nutrition.

Also, I have noted many statements that midwives routinely say that are pretty twisted:

"You're having a lot more pain? That is good news."
"You're leaking bloody mucous from your vagina? How wonderful!"
"You just threw up all over the bedroom? Good progress."
"You feel like you just sat on a campfire? Yes, it does feel like that, and great work."

Other things that midwives might "enjoy".....

Sitting in a dark room, behind a naked sweaty woman who is on all fours and realizing that she is pooping on your hand. Being drenched, and I mean drenched, in amniotic fluid as you kneel on the floor in front of a woman on a stool. Using a fish net to fish many things other than fish out of a pool. Driving home after a long night at work, looking in the rear view mirror and realizing that you have meconium on your face.....

So, you see, midwives are definitely a certain breed...and potentially a strange one at that! And I wouldn't have it any other way!!


  1. So true! I once attended a girl scout leader meeting with blood and meconium spotted all over my pants. One of my kids came along (and he was eating ice cream). Another leader pointed out that my son had gotten sundae topping all over my pants. I looked down and was horrified! It was one of those days where I rushed from a birth, to the sitters, to the school and then to a meeting. Who has time to change?! I felt a little bad blaming the spots on my kiddo! ;)

  2. Yes, such is the life?!? Rainbow sprinkles...blood and meconium...who can tell the difference? That's a great story. One of my midwife sisters has a saying that I love; "Birth is many things, but glamorous is not one of them."

  3. Ok this made me laugh so hard!!! I am really, REALLY wanting to become a midwife and I definitely could relate to some of these things! I was actually sitting down to dinner yesterday (pasta with a red sauce, no less) watching homebirth videos on my laptop which was sitting on my kitchen table! And was totally into it as I was eating! My 7-year-old kept asking me what I was watching as I was wiping the tears from my face (I love birth videos and always tear up watching them.) Thank you for this post! Loved it!

  4. Thanks Jessica!! Midiwves deffinitely have to have a certain humor and "stomach". I highly recommend the book, Paths to Becoming a Midiwife, which is sold by Midwifery Today, as you are looking to join the ranks....

  5. I had to laugh... I'm in training and doing a lot of the "dirty work" at the births I attend. A baby came on Christmas Day last year and I was cleaning the instruments and such when the mama said, "Eww, birth smells awful!" I laughed and said, "Really, you think so? I love the smell! I love scratching my nose after a birth and getting a whiff of the betadine left on my hands!" Haha!

  6. Lindsey...I completely understand about birth smells. With my first son I thought it was weird and really didn't consider it. but I enjoyed and was kinda sad once all the birth smell disappeared after a few days.
    I'm also looking to join the ranks...but homeschooling and raising my kids come first. Long time longed for career will come in the future.