Saturday, December 18, 2010

the unkown milestone

This transition from student to midwife is a hefty load....of course it should be and I did not expect it to be easy. From the beginning, I had a feeling of floating around, with my feet way ahead of me or way behind. I was constantly attempting to catch up with them...or slow them down....just to get them underneath me. Recently, I hit a milestone that I had not expected or even thought about. After the last lovely birth, while writing the experience down in my midwife journal, I realized that I have now caught more babies as as midwife than as a student. This realization hit me profoundly and like a ton of bricks. I had not known that this moment would be so special and perhaps the surprise of it made it even more special. Sitting there, looking at my journal I shed a couple tears...of happiness of gratitude and of excitement. Since then, I have been able to have the feeling of my feet being right underneath me, strong and stable. Granted, I have many years of learning and growing ahead of me, and I am not going to get cocky about myself. However, I do finally feel like a 'real' midwife....which really means that I am very aware of my newness....but I am also aware of the strength and knowledge that I do have.