thanks babes

Thanks to all the babies...all the babies that I have had the privilege to help care for. From the tiny preemies with the translucent skin to the post date wonders and their crackly skin. Every baby that I have ever seen has helped me to be able to recognize a baby with a problem. Every baby that has needed a little help to get started has increased my skill level in this area. On behalf of myself and all of the future babies that these hands will care for....thank you!

in the tool kit

The first item that should always go in the tool kit of a midwife is HUMILITY and lots of it. After that, there are several things that we should keep on hand at all times.....

compassion
passion
stamina
soothing words and touch
coffee
a change of clothes and toothbrush
humor and a couple good jokes
strong hands
a warrior heart
sharp senses

As I have newly been traveling down this path with women, one of the other things that I have had to cultivate is my 'inner drill sargent'. This is one item that I really have to foster and work on as it does not come as naturally to me and it is a crucial skill in midwifery. One of my favorite sayings is that "birth is made to work if no one shows up" and as a midwife, this is a truth that I hold dear. For the vast majority of births...I should not be needed, I should sit on my hands and observe and support. However, sometimes a Mama and babe need help and when this happens, a midwife must be able to take charge of the room and make things happen. These are the times that we are called upon and must act quickly.

Almost on the staircase and more thoughts...

Luckily, I was already at the birth center...waiting for another Mama who ended up never coming in. Got a call from a Dad saying his wife's water just broke and she sounds "serious", since this is baby #2, I say get on in here! The weather was wet and rainy and it was the middle of the night. I meet them in the parking lot, wet all around us...the rain was crazy, and Mama says "the baby is here!" as we walk up the steps, I 'o-so subtly' reach behind her and 'goose' her while feeling for a little baby head...not quite yet, but there is the tell-tale bulge. Barely making it to the birth room, pants off to reveal a lovely crown, Dad says "she wants a water birth" and I say we don't really have time to climb in the pool...and then the babe is born into her Daddy's (with a little back-up from me) waiting hands. So great!

So, when I am blessed to be present at a birth such as this one, I have absolutely no problem giving all the glory to the Mama. I am constantly awed by the tremendous power of women as they work to bring forth these new lives. My ego really has nothing to do with it....they are the wondrous ones. Then, why is it, that when a Mama has a really difficult path and maybe needs to go to the hospital....that I feel such ownership of the process? When the outcome is not ideal, I have a very tough time getting my ego out of the way. Is this normal...will it eventually become easier to remove my ego from all situations? However, is that the proper goal? I guess I come back around tot he original thought....what is the balance point for being present and supportive while maintaining my own self?....

thoughts

This morning I sit at my little desk, looking out the window to my green backyard. While I sit here and sip my coffee, many thoughts run through my mind. How do I invest myself in the birth process without owning the process. This has been struggle for me, there seems to be a balance, one that I have not yet been able to manage. Does one ever totally manage it? I need to be present, invested and supportive...yet, keep some sort of distance...everything is not up to me or my 'fault'. If a Mama needs to transfer to the hospital it doesn't mean that I have failed, or that she has failed...we don't have control over everything.

Morning Babe

Woke to a phone call this morning....a primip (first time Mama) is pushing....whew, jumped out of bed, ran through the shower, threw on some clothes and out the door, all in 15 minutes. That is midwife adrenalin for ya!

Got to the birth center in just enough time. Mama sitting on the birth stool with a bulging bag of waters crowning. Through the bag and the waters, I can see specks of vernix floating in the clear fluid. I can also see lovely dark hairs dancing and swirling, suspended in the waters, dancing in tune with the Mama and her birth rushes. For a moment, I am transfixed by the beauty. Then with a grand grunt from Mama, I am pulled back and place my hand on the babe's head...expecting the bag to break and flood me with a wave...but it doesn't budge. Instead, I apply some mild downward pressure and the babe is birthed, bag and all, into my hands. After working him out of his bag....up to Mama and Papa he went.

When a babe is born in thier amniotic sac, it is called being "born in the caul" and it has been ascribed many meanings by many different cultures. I have read several of these meanings and have found them all to be positive. The common associations are that this child will be a leader of their people, they will have the 'sixth sight', they will never perish by drowning, etc. (I would love to hear of any other known associations.) I think that we have many more of these babies at the birth center because we do not routinely break the bag of waters. Which then leads me to wonder...are we, by fostering gentle, honored birth, fostering a generation of visionary leaders?....

up to bat...

As a child, I was fostered in the heartland, the midwest of the country. I came from a family of athletes....my father, my aunts and uncle and my cousins. I remember admiring all of the medals and trophies that my cousins were able to earn and display. I often felt like I did not fit into this family tradition, I was the only one who did not excel in this pursuit.....

I was on a softball team in grade school. In my head, I wanted to be great at it....in reality, that was not the case. Not that I was awful, just not great....and in my heart of hearts, I didn't enjoy it. Everytime I was up to bat or in the outfield, I was terrified. As I got older and tried to find my sports niche...volleyball, basketball, etc. I would hear other people talk about a calm that they felt when they were "up to bat". A quiet that would descend upon their brain and allow the world to melt away, creating an exquisite focus. I never experienced this when "up to bat", on the contrary, I would be overwhelmed with worries and pressure. Eventually, I was able to accept that I was not an athlete and be happy with my other strengths, but I always wondered about that exquisite focus.....

Earlier this year, I was on call....by myself for the first time. My phone rang and a Mama was in labor. I rushed to the birth center. I must admit that my nerves got away from me....I was literally pacing and going over the cardinal movements of birth in my head. I set up the room that the Mama wanted and double checked, ok...triple checked all of the equipment. After that, more pacing and running through drills in my head. Then, the Mama and her husband arrived at the birth center......and suddenly the world melted away, my brain was calm and I felt the exquisite focus. It was a magical moment for me and I knew this would be wonderful...I had found my niche. And the Mama and babe were glorious.

Ina May

Well, what can I say other than Ina May? She is in town now and I was able to see her twice. Once at the Colorado Midwives Association conference and then again at an open Parent's Night. We are all so blessed to have her knowledge, humor, passion and compassion in this world. She is so inspiring...it was a great 'battery charging' opportunity. It is always good to remember her Sphincter Laws:
They are shy
They don't obey orders
They do respond to praise
They open better when owner's mouth and jaw are relaxed and open
They open well when owner is smiling or laughing

These rules appear so simple, yet in our culture they are so easily forgotten.

Yesterday was actually the third time that I have had the pleasure to meet and hear Ina May. The first time was at a Midwifery Today conference. It was when I was taking my first tentative steps on this path and it was remarkable. The second time was also at a Midwifery Today conference and I had just finished nursing school and was getting ready to enter midwifery school. It too, was amazing. (And at that conference I had the fun chance to 'boogey' with her at the evening festivities....that was a blast...and she has some moves on her!) So, yesterday I meet her again, this time as a new midwife. I had to have a little 'groupie' moment and tell her my (very brief) story and of my previous times in her precense. She was gracious and congratulated me on my path...what a treat!