Their Names are Always With Me

Their names are always with me; the names of women that I have had to transfer to the hospital while in labor. I have wiped their brows, caressed their cheeks, massaged their backs, shoulders, arms and feet.  I have done countless flights of stair walking with them, lunge walked the hallways with them, supported them through multiple difficult position changes to encourage babies to rotate. I have fed them and made sure they were drinking.  I have shared this most intimate of experiences and forged a bond with them. I have had to look them in the eye and tell them that, in my opinion, the best place for them in that moment was the hospital. To tell them that all their plans and dreams for this birth will need to be drastically altered. I have shared tears with them over this decision, both in the moment and later in postpartum check ups.

This is what we do as midwives; we walk beside our families, holding space, guarding their health and sometimes making difficult and unpopular decisions. It is an extremely heavy responsibility that often feels lighter than it is. However, in these moments, every ounce is felt to the core. Like many midwives, I keep a Birth Log/Journal of all the births I attend and babies I catch.  I also keep a separate journal for these Mama's, their stories and their outcomes. In this way, I can remind myself of their faces and their strength.  I carry them with me always.